Just the facts

Fact is, there's shaved apes all over the place!

NASA, (the only government agency worth having) just figured out that even a small star half the size of ours can support planets.

You know what that means?

More idots like us screwing up more places like these.

Shaved apes for everyone!

Fetch

So me and the wife's were on a site seeing trip last year when we lost our loving companion Barney. We're not sure what happened but I suspect fowl play. He went missing right after dinner. I had French onion soup and my wives had salad. Barney had a bone.

We miss Barney terribly. He was all you ever wanted in a dog. Never barked. Ate cats. Bit my Mothers in Laws. He was just fun to be around.

loved the Frisbee!

R.I.P.

Now that was one funny Nigger.

Stop The Madness

What a great Idea! Breeding is a selfish act anyway. Lets all be less selfish.

Fuck for fun, not for company.

Scotland

Where you don't go can hurt you.

The Ugly American

During my trip to Scotland last month I noticed some people staring at me. Was it my open zipper? Did I forget to shave? Maybe it was my magnificent flowing blond hair. Or could it have been that maybe they recognized me from the many TV shows and films I've been in. But they weren't smiling at me. They were making stupifide faces. Faces you'd see after someone ate a moth eaten moldy sweater, or a bad brick. It wasn't me. It was where I was from. Even though I tried to look like a hip European dude, black socks, yellow teeth, I guess it didn't take. It was written all over my face. I am the ugly American.


by Richard Crepeau

Starbucks

They just can't seem to get my order right at my local Starbucks. Sometime it's a fight just to get into the place. Yesterday I ordered a six foot tall Jewish lesbian acrobat and wound up with an egg salad pita wrap. Wouldn't have been so bad if the eggs were cooked. Just once I'd like to get what I ordered.

I think Starbucks stopped shooting for the stars and concentrated more on the bucks part. Next time I'll really throw them and ask them for a martini. See what happens.